Sunday, May 31, 2009

ha ha day!

Get a laugh, a gas, a gag, a philly-dilly, a lark, a loop, and a la la.

Or you prefer a feminine wile?

And if you don't laugh, this is what we'll do to you!

Friday, May 29, 2009

art news is creative!

This picture taken from a cover of Art News (the world's most highly read art mag, muhahaha):

So, to inaugurate a new thing here which I am calling 'obvious department,' I give you the glory of this dumbass cover. Yes, Sculpture takes shape! And shit stinks! And Art News wouldn't know how to write its way out of a paper bag (harsh? maybe). So here, from some intricate, highly investigative research I've conducted, I've found the inner thoughts of an editor at Art News. Play and listen to the awe that is hackdom.

(and yes, I realize by adding this audio I've now become one step removed from being a talk radio dj)

Obviously, Art News is taking shit.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

drinking down at the well with cousin Maggie

Here's a video of me making an ass out of myself. Imagine that.

Hope you had a safe flight back, Maggarillo. It was fun to have you down here, eating some bar b que!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

get off my case, motherfucker!

In honor of Erin Vaughan Baron's vacation (and escape from work), I offer this lo-fi recording of a classic. Who ever would have thought of Judge Reinhold as a badass (except Fred Savage)?

Yeah, just tell that to all your bosses, Erin, and have an awesome, relaxing time.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Hold the Line

David Lynch's 1984 adaptation of Frank Herbert's world-famous sci-fi epic Dune is remembered mainly for flopping so spectacularly that Lynch would never again mount such a mainstream production. Yet for all its "Star Wars"-challenging pretentions -- its enormous budget, huge set-pieces, and estimable cast -- the film is weird, deeply so, deserving of that eponymous adjective -- "Lynchian" -- that so many now use to describe texts and events with the least bit of surreality.

But even Shai-Hulud, the mighty sandworm, is as nothing next to the sight of Patrick Stewart as Gurney Halleck, Duke Leto Atreides' master-at-arms, charging valliantly into battle with a rifle and a...pug?

Visiting death upon the enemy by cute overload, no doubt. Or perhaps it's no pug at all but a pug-shaped lump of C-4. Either way, it's good to see evidence of those leadership qualities that would serve him so well in some other lifetime:


Hey friends, here's something new from yours truly (and Erin (you'll hear from her later)): stupid media reviews! Basically, myself or Erin (or Mephisto!) reads the back of some media or other with a very enthusiastic voice. Listen for yourself. Did somebody say sarcasm? Golly. By the way, dynagroove is an amazing patented recording technology that does not disappoint...if you're eighty years old! Zing! Alright, enough with me. Listen!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

anybody got a napkin?

I think he went down on a hotdog.

By the way, if you haven't seen the major motion picture event that is Reanimator, get you reanimated ass to a video store and rent that shit (or buy it (or reimagine it without having seen it and do your own version of tossing a reanimated cat into a wall!)!)!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

girl, I know you a cheating bitch!

But I love you anyway...aww...

And if you get to the end of the road, maybe you'll meet this guy, mu-ha-ha-ha!!!


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

to the best early nineties faux talk show show

Do you love Jeffrey Tambor and Rip Torn?

How about when they're drinking scotch?

And what if they explode?

Holy moly, those two just drank themselves into oblivion. Where's the Men in Black when you need them? How about Hellboy? Well, oh well.

Monday, May 11, 2009

311 has something to say about evolution

Here you go, folks, some wise words indeed from 311 about the nature of humanity and what we need to evolve into the superman. The clip is from the song titled - ta daa - "Evolution," off their album 'Soundsystem.' Gosh, those guys sure are deep. Like, carpe diem and shit!

And now, inspired by the deep thoughts of 311, I give you a quick news report from an alternate future.

Ahem, yes, this just in, a report from the nation of Urbantopia: apparently they have finally achieved success in their goals to download their entire society onto the mother of all Macs. Disdaining the material world composed of such elements as platinum and gold, the nation has embedded their collective concious onto a deliciously stylish Mac harddrive. One citizen stated that he would now like to pursue his life's dream of becoming 'The Lawnmower Man.' Others, taking a cue from the 1982 film 'Tron,' are even now cruising about virtual streets on virtual motorcycles and drinking electronically juiced virtual water. ...wait...wait a minute...this just in...again...the electronic nation of Urbantopia, in a reversal of their non-materialistic traditional values, have now invented virtual precious metals for the virtual society. Asked as to why they did such a thing, the president of the country replied, "You wouldn't believe how much prettier gold looks in a virtual world, plus, having things to trade a la eBay is the bees knees." Well. And in related news, the rock band 311 has now declined to participate in the free concert to celebrate Urbantopia. 311 frontman was qouted as saying, "It seems now that they want Pt and they want Au, my bandmates and I - depressed - don't know what we ought to do." Well, what a day folks, what a day.

Friday, May 8, 2009

now for some racism from our friend wesley snipes

My only question: how do you use the three shells? Demolition Man, will you ever write back? Also

...and don't you just love lo-fi? I know I do!

p.s. Rob Shneider misses his career as an action movie sidekick

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

burger KING!

Man, this guy sure enjoys himself some cheeseburgers.

But I ran into someone who doesn't...

His name is Waldo, he's a bum, he lives in an old refrigerator down the block, and he can't make up his mind!

Monday, May 4, 2009


Hackers is the kind of movie that makes computers seem fun. Do you think so? I would love to have a power glove and some flip screen slide glass computer viewer and face off with the flower delivery guy Dwight from Mystery Date (, wouldn't you!? And you could be friends with the Phantom Phreak! Oh, Renoly Santiago, will you ever not have curly hair? "Hack the planet!"

Would you trust this man with your computer?

Maybe you can still find him in that place where he left that thing that time...

But what I really want to know is do you think he'll ever get even with Nic Cage ( Jeepers!