dumbsville

old cracken's way the world works: part 1: banks, hunh!

2009-11-02T14:27:00.000-08:00

Hey shitters, we got ourselves a new varmint running about here in dumbsville. Name's Cracken and he's here to let you know the real workings of the world. Shitters! Oh, by the way, Professor Fare died while stubbing his toe in the bathroom. Will he yet have adventures?! Cracken says f-off, and listen up.

the real real history of hallweeeeeeeeen!

2009-10-28T16:03:00.000-07:00

Okay, so Grimgold likes to fib a bit, but here - no really - here is the true blue story behind the history of the beginning of the ways of Halloween. Brr! Anyone else just get a child?!

Halloween is keen

2009-10-26T23:21:00.001-07:00

Finally, a new post! Oh my, only Halloween could get me off my duff. Here's a little history lesson.

tripping to microville

2009-09-09T22:57:00.000-07:00

Oh dear friends, it has been to long since I've had word from the Professor about his imprisonment. I do not want to think the worst. Here then, a recording of an earlier adventure of Professor Fare's. In this, he describes his initial discovery of Microville! Enjoy and keep hope alive.

And here is a printout of an early image the Professor took of Microville:

the secret code of the prisoner

2009-08-25T11:11:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay folks; I've been rooting around the secret layer of Villain X trying to find anyway I might attempt a rescue of the great Professor. Alas, the fortress seems impregnable. But do not lose heart, fellow adventurers, I have recorded this sound here:

You see, the footsteps - and the pauses in-between - is a code. But for what, I am not sure. I can make out part of it: "We are the shadows..." After that, friends, I know not what it suggests or says. If any of you brave adventurers can crack the code, please leave comment. This may be the very thing we need to free the brave Professor and save dear Balloo.

And for the extra-adventurer in all, another picture here that depicts the labyrinthine cave that hides the layer of Villain X somewhere in its midst.

the latest from the good professor

2009-08-13T22:19:00.000-07:00

Hello fellow adventurers, I have been fortunate enough to receive this top secret broadcast from Professor Fare's internal radio transmitter. It turns out some villain (Villain X?) has him trapped in his lair. Listen:

And some say that the mountain-cave in this image is the very same secret layer of Villain X! Be careful, adventurers, lest you too get caught in the same nefarious clutches as Professor Fare. Poor Balloo!

Until we meet again...

Dr. Diablo's handiwork

2009-08-10T20:33:00.001-07:00

Seen here in a rare photo is the remains of a man after suffering exposure from Dr. Diablo's rock-beam (he calls it his Matter-Stultifier-Ray). Diablo is the arch-nemesis and rival of the professor. It is suspected that years ago each brilliant man was in love with Eudora Campell, the reclusive heiress to the Campell billions. Her love, won by the professor, was such that it committed him to a life of good; but her lack of love, given over to the doctor, was such that he committed himself to a life of evil. Is the professor now embroiled in some battle with his nemesis? Time will tell, fellow adventurers. And pity the poor rock man seen above; it is also believed that the great professor is at work on a counter-ray to save the many who have been doomed to the rocky, horrific fate.
Stay with us; updates will follow.

sightings of Professor Fare

2009-08-05T15:26:00.000-07:00

In this photo taken on the outskirts of Marfa, we see what may be a sighting of the reclusive Professor Fare in one of his renowned adventures. Will it be zombie pirates he faces this time? Perhaps snow-globe escaped, Xanadu-eyed miscreants? Or could it be a recurrence of his famous battle with Emperor Ming Ming the dragon-toothed caveman? Stay tuned, loyal blog aficionados, answers will be had, this I swear!

And visit bohococo.blogspot.com, to see other investigative angles of happenings in and around Marfa, Texas, home of the bohemian hordes!

bat dance!

2009-07-30T16:26:00.001-07:00

ha ha ha ha ha...

2009-07-23T21:30:00.000-07:00

...is over!

FOR NOW!

ha ha ha ha ha

2009-07-19T21:29:00.001-07:00

Wants some yum-yums?

have you had a ha ha ha today?

2009-07-16T22:22:00.000-07:00

Well come get one!

where does the ha ha ha come from?

2009-07-15T18:54:00.001-07:00

Uranus! Ba-da-bump!

ha ha ha week starts

2009-07-13T17:28:00.000-07:00

I heard this guy laughing down the street from me. He was exclaiming about cheeseburgers a moment before. Oh my.

the ape people cometh

2009-07-12T19:18:00.000-07:00

Is it me or is this one sexy ape man?

she's back...and she's flying

2009-07-10T21:16:00.001-07:00

I love this bit!

2009-07-07T20:24:00.001-07:00

bitch be crazy

2009-07-05T19:29:00.000-07:00

Fairuza Balk makes my balls twitter. Tweet!

bordello of blood has been so good to us

2009-06-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

It's given us so many things, like this cretin.

Ah, the human face, so emotive, so distinguished.

And don't forget everyone's best friend, here.

Ha Cha!

eat the rich

2009-06-24T19:29:00.000-07:00

Bill Murray knows exactly what should be done with all these financial fiascos! Eat the fucking rich! Dead aim, baby.

the temptations! live at the copa!

2009-06-22T20:37:00.000-07:00

Erin Vaughan gives a rather saucy reading on The Temptations' performance at the Copa Cabana! Wow! World famous!

morgan freeman really hates you

2009-06-17T19:54:00.001-07:00

morgan freeman hates you

2009-06-14T14:55:00.000-07:00

But why, Mr. Freeman? Why?

Lillard is prophetic

2009-06-11T21:52:00.000-07:00

Matt Lillard and George Orwell, two things that fit together perfectly. Does 'Hackers' presuppose the future?!

We are nameless! Aiyeayaaaa!

See you at Co-Lab on Saturday!

beware this fellow

2009-06-08T22:11:00.000-07:00

If you happen to see this guy driving around Phoenix at three-thirty in the morning, eyes mad like a loose heroin addict, and he's waving at you, you best turn around and run to your momma! Oh, Airzona, wherefor is my $181 that I owe you? Woe, woe is me.

remember when she used to be funny?

2009-06-07T22:15:00.000-07:00

Like when she was in Upright Citizens Brigade?

Oh Amy Amy Amy, where for all our little Colby memories?

Man, cracked out and loving it in Hamelt 2 (which is a great great film, by the way, if not a little mediocre at times).

cover your god damned mouth

2009-06-03T22:50:00.001-07:00

This video will explain to you how I feel about these tough times of global pandemics!

Also, come see the Boho Cocos at Co-Lab on the 13th. We promise to wear face masks if everyone else comes naked.

ha ha day!

2009-05-31T20:44:00.000-07:00

Get a laugh, a gas, a gag, a philly-dilly, a lark, a loop, and a la la.

Or you prefer a feminine wile?

And if you don't laugh, this is what we'll do to you!

art news is creative!

2009-05-29T20:09:00.000-07:00

This picture taken from a cover of Art News (the world's most highly read art mag, muhahaha):

So, to inaugurate a new thing here which I am calling 'obvious department,' I give you the glory of this dumbass cover. Yes, Sculpture takes shape! And shit stinks! And Art News wouldn't know how to write its way out of a paper bag (harsh? maybe). So here, from some intricate, highly investigative research I've conducted, I've found the inner thoughts of an editor at Art News. Play and listen to the awe that is hackdom.

(and yes, I realize by adding this audio I've now become one step removed from being a talk radio dj)

Obviously, Art News is taking shit.

drinking down at the well with cousin Maggie

2009-05-26T21:48:00.000-07:00

Here's a video of me making an ass out of myself. Imagine that.

Hope you had a safe flight back, Maggarillo. It was fun to have you down here, eating some bar b que!

get off my case, motherfucker!

2009-05-21T08:52:00.000-07:00

In honor of Erin Vaughan Baron's vacation (and escape from work), I offer this lo-fi recording of a classic. Who ever would have thought of Judge Reinhold as a badass (except Fred Savage)?

Yeah, just tell that to all your bosses, Erin, and have an awesome, relaxing time.

Hold the Line

2009-05-19T14:16:00.000-07:00

David Lynch's 1984 adaptation of Frank Herbert's world-famous sci-fi epic Dune is remembered mainly for flopping so spectacularly that Lynch would never again mount such a mainstream production. Yet for all its "Star Wars"-challenging pretentions -- its enormous budget, huge set-pieces, and estimable cast -- the film is weird, deeply so, deserving of that eponymous adjective -- "Lynchian" -- that so many now use to describe texts and events with the least bit of surreality.

But even Shai-Hulud, the mighty sandworm, is as nothing next to the sight of Patrick Stewart as Gurney Halleck, Duke Leto Atreides' master-at-arms, charging valliantly into battle with a rifle and a...pug?

Visiting death upon the enemy by cute overload, no doubt. Or perhaps it's no pug at all but a pug-shaped lump of C-4. Either way, it's good to see evidence of those leadership qualities that would serve him so well in some other lifetime:

dynagroove!

2009-05-19T00:11:00.000-07:00

Hey friends, here's something new from yours truly (and Erin (you'll hear from her later)): stupid media reviews! Basically, myself or Erin (or Mephisto!) reads the back of some media or other with a very enthusiastic voice. Listen for yourself. Did somebody say sarcasm? Golly. By the way, dynagroove is an amazing patented recording technology that does not disappoint...if you're eighty years old! Zing! Alright, enough with me. Listen!

anybody got a napkin?

2009-05-17T23:27:00.000-07:00

I think he went down on a hotdog.

By the way, if you haven't seen the major motion picture event that is Reanimator, get you reanimated ass to a video store and rent that shit (or buy it (or reimagine it without having seen it and do your own version of tossing a reanimated cat into a wall!)!)!

girl, I know you a cheating bitch!

2009-05-14T22:24:00.001-07:00

But I love you anyway...aww...

And if you get to the end of the road, maybe you'll meet this guy, mu-ha-ha-ha!!!

Evil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to the best early nineties faux talk show show

2009-05-12T18:03:00.000-07:00

Do you love Jeffrey Tambor and Rip Torn?

How about when they're drinking scotch?

And what if they explode?

Holy moly, those two just drank themselves into oblivion. Where's the Men in Black when you need them? How about Hellboy? Well, oh well.

311 has something to say about evolution

2009-05-11T15:59:00.001-07:00

Here you go, folks, some wise words indeed from 311 about the nature of humanity and what we need to evolve into the superman. The clip is from the song titled - ta daa - "Evolution," off their album 'Soundsystem.' Gosh, those guys sure are deep. Like, carpe diem and shit!

And now, inspired by the deep thoughts of 311, I give you a quick news report from an alternate future.

Ahem, yes, this just in, a report from the nation of Urbantopia: apparently they have finally achieved success in their goals to download their entire society onto the mother of all Macs. Disdaining the material world composed of such elements as platinum and gold, the nation has embedded their collective concious onto a deliciously stylish Mac harddrive. One citizen stated that he would now like to pursue his life's dream of becoming 'The Lawnmower Man.' Others, taking a cue from the 1982 film 'Tron,' are even now cruising about virtual streets on virtual motorcycles and drinking electronically juiced virtual water. ...wait...wait a minute...this just in...again...the electronic nation of Urbantopia, in a reversal of their non-materialistic traditional values, have now invented virtual precious metals for the virtual society. Asked as to why they did such a thing, the president of the country replied, "You wouldn't believe how much prettier gold looks in a virtual world, plus, having things to trade a la eBay is the bees knees." Well. And in related news, the rock band 311 has now declined to participate in the free concert to celebrate Urbantopia. 311 frontman was qouted as saying, "It seems now that they want Pt and they want Au, my bandmates and I - depressed - don't know what we ought to do." Well, what a day folks, what a day.

now for some racism from our friend wesley snipes

2009-05-08T22:13:00.001-07:00

My only question: how do you use the three shells? Demolition Man, will you ever write back? Also

...and don't you just love lo-fi? I know I do!

p.s. Rob Shneider misses his career as an action movie sidekick

burger KING!

2009-05-05T20:46:00.000-07:00

Man, this guy sure enjoys himself some cheeseburgers.

But I ran into someone who doesn't...

His name is Waldo, he's a bum, he lives in an old refrigerator down the block, and he can't make up his mind!

hackers!

2009-05-04T23:07:00.001-07:00

Hackers is the kind of movie that makes computers seem fun. Do you think so? I would love to have a power glove and some flip screen slide glass computer viewer and face off with the flower delivery guy Dwight from Mystery Date (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102500/), wouldn't you!? And you could be friends with the Phantom Phreak! Oh, Renoly Santiago, will you ever not have curly hair? "Hack the planet!"

Would you trust this man with your computer?

Maybe you can still find him in that place where he left that thing that time...

But what I really want to know is do you think he'll ever get even with Nic Cage (http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0006645/)? Jeepers!